I thought being able to work with those suffering from mental illnesses would answer all of the unknowns that I had about mental illness. Wrong. Now I just have more questions.
I do understand a lot more. I understand that they are regular people, and they have the same exact needs we do, maybe just a few extra. They hold grudges and love (sometimes more intensely) just like everyone else. I guess I have realized that they aren't much different. They just need extra help. Mostly they need an advocate. Then again don't we all? " I am the first and the last; I am he who liveth, I am he who was slain; I am your advocate with the Father." (D&C 110:4).
The looks that people give me in public with the clients have already lost their strength. Now, it's just interesting and a little funny. I guess partly because I know something they don't, and because I know they are missing out on knowing the most wonderful people. Only because their outer shell can sometimes seem so out of the norm and unacceptable. People keep their distance and miss out.
I have also been given so many unique chances to stretch myself in ways I never really wanted to. One reason I loved all of the jobs I have had in social work is because I have worked in mostly crisis oriented places. I help those who are in urgent need of something and then they are on their way. I loved this type of work because I could give them something they needed to survive, and that was fulfilling. My work now is more involved and long term. I will be working with the same individuals everyday and not getting involved emotionally is impossible. It's hard to become so attached, but at the same time I don't think I would be doing my job if I wasn't emotionally invested on some level. I believe there still needs to be very strict boundaries in many areas. This is also necessary.
I do realize how crucial the atonement and prayer is for the things I do daily. Not just for me, but for the population that I work with. I have a very strong testimony now of the healing power of the atonement. I know they right now they may not be healed of their mental or physical disabilities, but every day I do feel a little bit more healed having served them in ways I never thought I would be able to serve another person. I realize that this is more fulfilling than any amount of money, or material possessions...or even some kind of great worldly recognition. It's so undescribable. I'm sure that everyone has felt these feelings through service, but it's something I'm still discovering and that for some reason I am never desensitized to.
Being there for Joanie and being able to really get to know her before she passed away, being able to sit next to Paul when the voices in his head start to get louder, helping Hailey start a movie night so that so many people aren't alone on the weekend, helping Steve walk and tell him it's okay when he finds out he has a disease...are just a few things that I feel have humbled me, and taught me to understand what really matters.
One of my clients asked me at the zoo why I was so fascinated by elephants and I really didn't know why.
Reasons I love Elephants:
They are the largest of all land mammals, but can also swim long distances.
They spend up to 16 hours a day eating.
They live in tight social units, led by an older matriarch
They are plant eaters
They talk to each other by making "tummy rumbles" they also make a trumpeting sound to call eachother
They can sleep while standing and usually only need 4-5 hours of sleep a night
They have excellent balance
They have excellent memories
Even with their thick skin they are prone to sunburns
When a baby elephants cries the entire family will go and caress and touch the baby
They will have greeting ceremonies when a friend has been away for a while and then returns to the group.
They cry
They laugh
Now I know.
P.S. Things I've learned This Week:
P.S. Things I've learned This Week:
*Don't blow my nose during a meditation session with a monk.
*The DMV has 17 windows, but they only use three of them...
*What is Ankylosing Spondylitis.
*To not volunteer myself for an object lesson where there are huge balloons and pins involved.
*Talking about death isn't scary all of the time, and can actually present some pretty awesome opportunities.
*I have taken thinking clearly for granted my whole life, and there are some people who don't have that natural ability.
*Laughter can solve some pretty intense situations.
*You can make a best friend in five minutes.
*Even the prayers I never say are answered.
*I look forward to going to work every morning
*I still get excited to go to the zoo...and pretty much only for the elephants.
*It's okay to care too much, even when you risk losing that person at any moment.
*So many things won't go my way every single day, but I pouting about it changes nothing.
*Owl City calms me down and puts me in a better mood.
*Even though I have close to nothing in the bank...I've realized I'm pretty dang rich...:)
