One month encounting

The past few weeks have honestly flown by. In a weird, overwhelmingly busy way. On Sunday afternoons I have found myself dreading going to CAPSA and starting my hellish schedule all over again. This past Sunday I starting thinking about going back to the group home, getting paid less and working Fridays and Saturdays. At least I would be able to go to church with my family and spend time with them after right?
We had Red Ribbon Week and dare I say it went exceptionally well? (leaving out the part where the PTA president yelled at me over a pinata hmm...). I have been so luck to be surrounded by some of the most amazing youth. Seriously. They may be completely out of control and not care too much about life in general, but they can change the world in their own ways. They impress me.
I think lately I have been getting down on myself, and I am not sure my goal of not dating is the best thing. I am trying to stick to it, only because well, I haven't exactly met anyone that has caught my attention. Then again...have I even caught anyone's eye in the first place..hhhahaa..probably not. I will continue to have faith that something good is ahead, that something is waiting for me that is worth working this hard for. Sometimes I'm okay with waiting and other days I really suck at waiting and I get so blah. I am lucky and I have been incredibly blessed with a crazy and incredible family. I can't complain.
On Halloween I turned in my application for the Master's program at the U. I was a little scared not really knowing if that's what I want let alone if they will even accept me. Part of me (actually the majority of me) just wants to travel and do service projects in South America and different parts around the world, play and not worry about punctuation, read books of my choice, and no more bubble sheets, run whenever I want, backpack up something other than old main hill, wake up at 5 and then fall back to sleep without feeling crappy, and I could go on.
I decided to fast for many reasons. One was to know where to go from here. I feel like I am doing things on my own a lot of the time, at the same time I feel like I never get a chance to be alone and just think. It was good, and I really felt like a came to some conclusions...for me that was like monumental. The power behind a simple prayer and fast always shocks me...always.
This Friday I have a CT scan. I am scared. It's nothing serious, but I feel weird, and kind of just sick of going to the doctor all of the time. I try to keep my mind off of it.
What else? I have really just been loving everything about Logan. I am going to start volunteering pretty soon at FTC with the boys. I quit recently because I didn't have 14 extra hours to work there. So whenever I have a spare hour or two I will just act as a volunteer so that I can take one of the boys to do something fun. :) That totally made my day when I figured this out.
So, this entry seems like melancholy central. It's the halloween candy hangover. Perhaps? I am smiling on the inside...hahaa.

Okay Okay. It's been so hard for me to keep like 5 different journals. So, I'm just going to keep everything recorded here. Except the very personal things that I won't be sharing with very many people. So....I figure that should be safe enough. Especially since only few read this;).

This semeseter has been pretty crazy so far. I have been at Mtn. Crest High School and also running the Women's Shelter in the evenings. They have both been very fulfilling, but very exhausting. I have to say...even more exhausting than a marathon yes.

I haven't been very good lately at keeping a journal. A lot has happened. Que fracasa que soy.

There is always time to start over right? I can update you quickly.

I quit working full time at the group home. After a good cry and trying to have faith that I was making the right decision I started my internship. Quitting was one of the

hardest things I have had to do. Every Friday and Saturday night I think of my boys. I always pray so hard that they are progressing and remembering the things we worked so hard to accomplish. Sure they were my trials over the summer, but also my biggest blessings. I have never had to learn and practice so much patience. Now that I think about it they probably felt that because I couldn't let them do whatever they wanted to do and act out, that they had to have patience with me. I am so grateful for each of their great spirits. They are so strong and I know that one day they will be healed. I know because they have in many ways healed me.

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  I ran the Top Of Utah marathon. Yes, I've heard it all.


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  -You're crazy


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  -That's is stupid to run that far


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  -You are going to kill yourself


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  -You will run yourself into non-existence


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  -What made you want to do this?

All in all, it was one of the most spiritual experiences I have had. EVER. I came to knew myself more and my own strength both physically and spiritually. I also grew to know more of my Heavenly Father. I would encourage anyone to do this and really test their physical capacity, it changes and pushes the mind at the same time. Truth is when I arrived at the 21 mile mark I felt like collapsing, but I looked up and saw my mom, my sister, and my three little neices off to the side. It was like the pain was gone. It was weird. I kept running and just waved. My nieces ran along side me for a bit holding on to my hands. A few more miles passed and I found myself losing energy again and not thinking about anything, but stopping even if it was for a little while. That was the exact moment where I caught up with a neighborhood friend Michelle. aka blessing in disguise. I wouldn't have made it without having someone to push through the wall with. It was almost unedurable. We started to complain a bit and we saw at the corner my best friend and my brother-in-law waiting to run the last 2 miles with us. They joined us. My back was aching and I felt physically drained. I just remember Doug running ahead then running back to tell me that the finish line was right around the corner. He said "Chels, finish strong. Don't pay attention to anything on the side. Focus on your stride. Pick it up! Finish strong. Keep it up. Go. Finish strong." Every word helped. I felt my dad pushing me. Is that weird? All in a marathon. I really related it all to life. I hope I can finish strong and the only reasons I haven't given up yet is because of those people who miraculously find me along the way and lift me up to see me how they see me. They don't give me strength, but they just help me find the strength that is already inside of me. My family are those who boost me up. It was to say the very very least, an unbelievable and defining moment in my life.

I am now working on my last two semesters at a local high school. It's nothing like High School Musical. It's more like dangerous minds...hahaha maybe a mix between the two.

The girl that is an intern with me is amazing. I was very blessed to have her with me. We have the opportunity to pray together before we travel to the school. It crazy what a difference prayer can make. We have a few groups we are running and they have all had rough starts. All groups have mandated clients. Meaning they do not want to be there. Funny thing is, I see a lot of myself in the girls that are a part of the all girl group called. G.E.N.

With my school, the internship, working at the battered women's shelter I have had no time. I try to meet people, but I dunno. Lots of people say that my standards are too high for guys, but then again when I actually think about them I think that any member should have those certaini qualities. I think that yes some of my expectations are high, but they are righteous desires and I believe if I stay worthy to my covenants I will be blessed. I also would hope that my future spouse would have high expectations for me as well.

I thought I had found exactly what I was looking for. I still do think about him a lot, but I will need to have faith that things will work out for the best. The waiting is the hardest part.

The Salt Lake Temple will be closing for three years. I always thought I would be married there. That leaves me with a few options. Get married before January, wait three years, or get married somewhere else. All but one sound appealing. Haha.

p.s. Yesteray I forgot that I put my camera in my back pocket. I went to the bathroom and it full on dropped in the toilet. Did I mention I just bought it? :(