If I were a rich girl....

I thought being able to work with those suffering from mental illnesses would answer all of the unknowns that I had about mental illness. Wrong. Now I just have more questions.

I do understand a lot more. I understand that they are regular people, and they have the same exact needs we do, maybe just a few extra. They hold grudges and love (sometimes more intensely) just like everyone else. I guess I have realized that they aren't much different. They just need extra help. Mostly they need an advocate. Then again don't we all? " I am the first and the last; I am he who liveth, I am he who was slain; I am your advocate with the Father." (D&C 110:4).

The looks that people give me in public with the clients have already lost their strength. Now, it's just interesting and a little funny. I guess partly because I know something they don't, and because I know they are missing out on knowing the most wonderful people. Only because their outer shell can sometimes seem so out of the norm and unacceptable. People keep their distance and miss out.

I have also been given so many unique chances to stretch myself in ways I never really wanted to. One reason I loved all of the jobs I have had in social work is because I have worked in mostly crisis oriented places. I help those who are in urgent need of something and then they are on their way. I loved this type of work because I could give them something they needed to survive, and that was fulfilling. My work now is more involved and long term. I will be working with the same individuals everyday and not getting involved emotionally is impossible. It's hard to become so attached, but at the same time I don't think I would be doing my job if I wasn't emotionally invested on some level. I believe there still needs to be very strict boundaries in many areas. This is also necessary.

I do realize how crucial the atonement and prayer is for the things I do daily. Not just for me, but for the population that I work with. I have a very strong testimony now of the healing power of the atonement. I know they right now they may not be healed of their mental or physical disabilities, but every day I do feel a little bit more healed having served them in ways I never thought I would be able to serve another person. I realize that this is more fulfilling than any amount of money, or material possessions...or even some kind of great worldly recognition. It's so undescribable. I'm sure that everyone has felt these feelings through service, but it's something I'm still discovering and that for some reason I am never desensitized to.

Being there for Joanie and being able to really get to know her before she passed away, being able to sit next to Paul when the voices in his head start to get louder, helping Hailey start a movie night so that so many people aren't alone on the weekend, helping Steve walk and tell him it's okay when he finds out he has a disease...are just a few things that I feel have humbled me, and taught me to understand what really matters.

One of my clients asked me at the zoo why I was so fascinated by elephants and I really didn't know why.

Reasons I love Elephants:

They are the largest of all land mammals, but can also swim long distances.

They spend up to 16 hours a day eating.

They live in tight social units, led by an older matriarch

They are plant eaters

They talk to each other by making "tummy rumbles" they also make a trumpeting sound to call eachother

They can sleep while standing and usually only need 4-5 hours of sleep a night

They have excellent balance

They have excellent memories

Even with their thick skin they are prone to sunburns

When a baby elephants cries the entire family will go and caress and touch the baby

They will have greeting ceremonies when a friend has been away for a while and then returns to the group.

They cry

They laugh

Now I know.

P.S. Things I've learned This Week:

*Don't blow my nose during a meditation session with a monk.

*The DMV has 17 windows, but they only use three of them...

*What is Ankylosing Spondylitis.

*To not volunteer myself for an object lesson where there are huge balloons and pins involved.

*Talking about death isn't scary all of the time, and can actually present some pretty awesome opportunities.

*I have taken thinking clearly for granted my whole life, and there are some people who don't have that natural ability.

*Laughter can solve some pretty intense situations.

*You can make a best friend in five minutes.

*Even the prayers I never say are answered.

*I look forward to going to work every morning

*I still get excited to go to the zoo...and pretty much only for the elephants.

*It's okay to care too much, even when you risk losing that person at any moment.

*So many things won't go my way every single day, but I pouting about it changes nothing.

*Owl City calms me down and puts me in a better mood.

*Even though I have close to nothing in the bank...I've realized I'm pretty dang rich...:)

GOOGLE SEARCH:CANKLES

What are they? "Cankles" is a combination of the words "calf" and "ankles." If you can't tell where your calf stops and your ankle starts, you may have cankles.

Where did it start? No one knows exactly who first uttered the term "cankles," but the subject came up in a well-known episode of "Friends" back in 1995.

The natural remedy: Some fitness experts say certain workouts can help. This gym dedicated a whole month to them.

Under the knife: Some women choose plastic surgery.

Stylish solution: Maybe the easiest way to get rid of cankles -- or at least the appearance of them -- is to dress around them.

Guys can have them, too: The term "mankles" was used to describe "man cankles" in a 2007 episode of "Weeds."

Not to be confused with: The Lithuanian stringed instrument known as the kankle.

I found these facts on a website. I found them interesting and a little inspiring. It also gave me a good laugh after one of the hardest weeks I have had in a long time.

Stay tuned for more important updates this weeks :)

53 things that have made me smile.

1. Buenos Aires
2. Dulce de Leche
3. Drinking Mate with friends

4. Dancing Tango in the streets

4. Going on boat rides in Tigre

5. Sharing zucaritas every morning and night in the kitchen
6. Being able to have Fall in June
7. Wearing Sombreros
8. Riding Subte
9. Posing for pictures
10. Riding a bus for 18 hours to see the most beautiful waterfalls in the world.
11. Dancing all night long.
12. Seeing new animals
13. Standing by one of God’s creations and feeling so humbled.

14. Eating flan
15. Besos
16. Being in the temple with some of my most favorite people.
17. Playing by the Tigre river at night
18. Eating Peruvian food with Sofi and N uni
19. Christians faces
20. Eating sandwiches with Walter
21. Late night talks with Carlos
22.Singing in spanish
23. Doing absolutely nothing with Lore
24. Sleepovers with Rosina
25. 35 hour road trips
26. Hiking in Logan
27. Cotton candy facial hair
28. Pirate Parties
29.Movies with my mom
30. Playing on GINORMOUS blow up slides with my nieces and nephews
31. Taking pictures of temples
32. Eating hamburgers and fries in D.C.
33.Singing at the top of our lungs all the way through Nebraska
34. Getting to meet our Nations Capitol in person
35. Being patriotic
36.Talking in an English accent
37. Hanging out with the Washington Monument
38. Wearing big hats with Anna and Becs
39. Chillin’ with Abe
40.Planning my next vacation
41. Honoring the WWII heroes
42. Sidewalk Chalk with Kaed
43. Hikes with Kaed
44. Bachelorette Parties
45. Getting an amazing view of Salt Lake

46. Taking pictures of one of my bestfriends and her new husband.

47. Knowing that this was the best day of Hayley’s life
48. Watching fields of fireflies

49. Laughing with Jeana.
50. Making shadow puppets on the ceiling
51. Seeing my little brother get married and getting a new sister-in-law all in one day!

Holding Marias hand while she tells me stories
52. Reading scriptures at night with kaed
53. Eating Mexican food, talking, laughing with Lizard

This has been my summer up until now, minus a few major and minor details. Ha. I've had an amazing summer.

It's been one of the hardest summers as well, but I did have a wake up call .... I am very lucky to have amazing family and friends that have pulled me through everything.

Mom- thank you for supporting me and sharing all of my sadness, happiness, stress, laughter...basically everything.

Amber-thanks for understanding, for making me laugh, and for shopping with me at that one mall...haha

Liz-thank you for being a true friend, and giving me the opportunity to serve when I need it the most.

Nieces-for making my life more simple.

Jeana-for being there for me even in one of the hardest times of your entire life. Thank you.

There are so many people who I feel indebted to, and I will never be able to repay. I guess that is how I know that they have truly served me.

I have felt that I have passed through some of my darkest moments recently, and I have wondered why my prayers are not being heard...then I realize that it is through these experiences and these people that my prayers are answered everyday.

It won't be too long until I write again, even if it's something super non-important....I'm going to write more often ;)

I really seriously honestly don't know...

I'm not trying to "pull one over" on anyone here. I have no concrete plans, no jobs lined up, no future schooling already in the making. Nothing, nada, zero, zilch...and guess what. I am perfectly okay with that. I feel liberated. In a really awesome way. I didn't realize how much an education really does present you with endless opportunities. Whether it be formal or informal education. Knowledge is a very powerful and humbling thing to possess. The more you know the more you realize you don't know. At least that is what I am figuring out.

I was stressed before about the timeline I had in my head. To me I was worried that I wasn't sealed yet, and I guess the thing that bothered my most deep down was that I felt that I had found the person I was going to be sealed to. It was all planned out. In a way I guess I felt that it was destiny...in a good way. Things changed drastically or as I like to say dramastically. I laugh at myself now. Looking back I see the course of events that were so painful at the time and the beautiful outcome that they have led me to. A perfect and totally unexpected outcome.

I recieved an email the other day from a very special person that I met while doing my internship as high school counselor. It was a chain email, and usually I don't read these, but I always read everything this person sends me. Towards the end it said, "When God takes something from your grasp, he's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to recieve something better." While I am in the moment I don't always see it like that. Okay I never see it like that. Looking back I always see exactly that.

I took a few days of work recently. I actually only have a few days left there, but there were some things I just couldn't miss out on. One of those things being the wedding of two of my friends.

They are and have been an amazing example to me of what love is and the blessings that are recieved through being obedient through a very important courtship.

I feel so lucky to be surrounded by such impressive examples.
On top of everything the temple was beautiful and I am very grateful that we have these building right at our fingertips.I also spent time with Abi, my sisters, brothers, bestfriends that I haven't seen in way too long, and my nieces. My weekend was chill and awesome.

I started realizing how many things have changed. If my life would have gone exactly as I had planned it I wouldn't have met Abi, Carly, Kylie, Jared, Kris, Liz, Dave, Steve, Levi, Mary, Kendra, Amber, Mike, Justin, Dawn, Jess, Tyler, Doug, Ken, Andrew. These people have changed my life. I wouldn't have done all of the things that molded me into a better person. I am so very grateful that someone knows better what needs to occur and knows how to guide my life, even when some transformations are so painful at first. I would go through it all again if I had to.

I am grateful for prayer and for personal revelation. I am not saying that if things would have worked out how I had planned that I wouldn't be happy. I probably would be. I can be happy anywhere. BUT I know I definitely wouldn't be this happy.