53 things that have made me smile.

1. Buenos Aires
2. Dulce de Leche
3. Drinking Mate with friends

4. Dancing Tango in the streets

4. Going on boat rides in Tigre

5. Sharing zucaritas every morning and night in the kitchen
6. Being able to have Fall in June
7. Wearing Sombreros
8. Riding Subte
9. Posing for pictures
10. Riding a bus for 18 hours to see the most beautiful waterfalls in the world.
11. Dancing all night long.
12. Seeing new animals
13. Standing by one of God’s creations and feeling so humbled.

14. Eating flan
15. Besos
16. Being in the temple with some of my most favorite people.
17. Playing by the Tigre river at night
18. Eating Peruvian food with Sofi and N uni
19. Christians faces
20. Eating sandwiches with Walter
21. Late night talks with Carlos
22.Singing in spanish
23. Doing absolutely nothing with Lore
24. Sleepovers with Rosina
25. 35 hour road trips
26. Hiking in Logan
27. Cotton candy facial hair
28. Pirate Parties
29.Movies with my mom
30. Playing on GINORMOUS blow up slides with my nieces and nephews
31. Taking pictures of temples
32. Eating hamburgers and fries in D.C.
33.Singing at the top of our lungs all the way through Nebraska
34. Getting to meet our Nations Capitol in person
35. Being patriotic
36.Talking in an English accent
37. Hanging out with the Washington Monument
38. Wearing big hats with Anna and Becs
39. Chillin’ with Abe
40.Planning my next vacation
41. Honoring the WWII heroes
42. Sidewalk Chalk with Kaed
43. Hikes with Kaed
44. Bachelorette Parties
45. Getting an amazing view of Salt Lake

46. Taking pictures of one of my bestfriends and her new husband.

47. Knowing that this was the best day of Hayley’s life
48. Watching fields of fireflies

49. Laughing with Jeana.
50. Making shadow puppets on the ceiling
51. Seeing my little brother get married and getting a new sister-in-law all in one day!

Holding Marias hand while she tells me stories
52. Reading scriptures at night with kaed
53. Eating Mexican food, talking, laughing with Lizard

This has been my summer up until now, minus a few major and minor details. Ha. I've had an amazing summer.

It's been one of the hardest summers as well, but I did have a wake up call .... I am very lucky to have amazing family and friends that have pulled me through everything.

Mom- thank you for supporting me and sharing all of my sadness, happiness, stress, laughter...basically everything.

Amber-thanks for understanding, for making me laugh, and for shopping with me at that one mall...haha

Liz-thank you for being a true friend, and giving me the opportunity to serve when I need it the most.

Nieces-for making my life more simple.

Jeana-for being there for me even in one of the hardest times of your entire life. Thank you.

There are so many people who I feel indebted to, and I will never be able to repay. I guess that is how I know that they have truly served me.

I have felt that I have passed through some of my darkest moments recently, and I have wondered why my prayers are not being heard...then I realize that it is through these experiences and these people that my prayers are answered everyday.

It won't be too long until I write again, even if it's something super non-important....I'm going to write more often ;)

I really seriously honestly don't know...

I'm not trying to "pull one over" on anyone here. I have no concrete plans, no jobs lined up, no future schooling already in the making. Nothing, nada, zero, zilch...and guess what. I am perfectly okay with that. I feel liberated. In a really awesome way. I didn't realize how much an education really does present you with endless opportunities. Whether it be formal or informal education. Knowledge is a very powerful and humbling thing to possess. The more you know the more you realize you don't know. At least that is what I am figuring out.

I was stressed before about the timeline I had in my head. To me I was worried that I wasn't sealed yet, and I guess the thing that bothered my most deep down was that I felt that I had found the person I was going to be sealed to. It was all planned out. In a way I guess I felt that it was destiny...in a good way. Things changed drastically or as I like to say dramastically. I laugh at myself now. Looking back I see the course of events that were so painful at the time and the beautiful outcome that they have led me to. A perfect and totally unexpected outcome.

I recieved an email the other day from a very special person that I met while doing my internship as high school counselor. It was a chain email, and usually I don't read these, but I always read everything this person sends me. Towards the end it said, "When God takes something from your grasp, he's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to recieve something better." While I am in the moment I don't always see it like that. Okay I never see it like that. Looking back I always see exactly that.

I took a few days of work recently. I actually only have a few days left there, but there were some things I just couldn't miss out on. One of those things being the wedding of two of my friends.

They are and have been an amazing example to me of what love is and the blessings that are recieved through being obedient through a very important courtship.

I feel so lucky to be surrounded by such impressive examples.
On top of everything the temple was beautiful and I am very grateful that we have these building right at our fingertips.I also spent time with Abi, my sisters, brothers, bestfriends that I haven't seen in way too long, and my nieces. My weekend was chill and awesome.

I started realizing how many things have changed. If my life would have gone exactly as I had planned it I wouldn't have met Abi, Carly, Kylie, Jared, Kris, Liz, Dave, Steve, Levi, Mary, Kendra, Amber, Mike, Justin, Dawn, Jess, Tyler, Doug, Ken, Andrew. These people have changed my life. I wouldn't have done all of the things that molded me into a better person. I am so very grateful that someone knows better what needs to occur and knows how to guide my life, even when some transformations are so painful at first. I would go through it all again if I had to.

I am grateful for prayer and for personal revelation. I am not saying that if things would have worked out how I had planned that I wouldn't be happy. I probably would be. I can be happy anywhere. BUT I know I definitely wouldn't be this happy.

So...since I last wrote I have done the following (and not in any particular order): I had sinus surgery to remove polyps that were in my nose causing me to faint, not taste food, have no sense of smell, get sick on a monthly basis, talk as if I have a perma-cold, and yet as fun as all of these symptoms were I had no trouble saying good riddance to those little growths on my nasal tissue.

I had a not long enough Christmas Break, but was able to spend every minute of it with my family and hanging out with friends. I swam, I ran some, I went to movies, partied a little, ate a lot, and even went on a few dates...hahahmmm. I went straight back to work after New Years Eve (which was by the way uneventful and melancholy). I have been kinda out of the swing of things ever since. I lost the drive I had when I started the school year. I have no idea where it all went. I catch myself thinking a lot of the time about graduation. I'm scared of it. Not in any big way, but I don't know what I am doing after. I have no plan A or B, or C, or....so basically I am not sure what is going to happen in 3 months. I know that on May 25th I will be heading to Argentina, but this time just as a tourist/guest. Even though I will be a tourist I will feel home in a way. It's beautiful eh? I still could name just about every street in the parts where I lived. It hasn't been that long since I left, but I catch me quizzing myself mentally on if I remember the smells of the streets, or bus routes, or addresses of my apartments, or the taste of real helado. So far, there are three of us going. Levi, Atwood, and I. I can't wait. I better start brushing up on my goucho (argentine cowboy) skills. Which means not going anywhere without boiling hot water and matte yerba. Ha. :)...oh and of course an alfajor in my back pocket.

What else have I left out since last writing?

I have had more time to do more important things, well more important in the eternal sense. Like date. I still am not a huge fan, actually I am the exact opposite. What would be the opposite of a fan? A feign? Maybe... But I just don't really think it's as exciting as it's cracked up to be. I would rather just drive to grab a jamba juice with someone and then listen to music, or eat apples together and bash on each others music and bad habits, or just sit on a couch and talk about human behaviors haha, or even just play basketball and then make dessert. I don't know, dating seems so official and rigid. I feel like there is a "way" to do it, and I have figured the "way" out, but I think it's boring and redundant. I can't do it anymore. Literally. It kills me. I just want to burst out laughing because it's like a movie you are watching for the umpteenth time. You know exactly where the bad guy is going to jump out and when. You are quoting all of the lines, and the peak is no longer climactic because you know how it ends. I am not saying this in a bitter way, just wondering if it's me that should change things. Couldn't hurt to ask someone out right?...and not follow the proper dating etiquette ;) 

A friend told me a few nights ago that I have this perfect future planned out in my head of how I want things to turn out, but something is impeding me from actually making this become reality. I tried to think of what that could be and if he even had a valid point. He went on say a few other things that in truth really struck me, and I won't ever forget them. He tends to be good at pin pointing people and exposing the issue for what it is instead of the mask it could be wearing. So, I have to figure out what exactly if anything is keeping me from this future I have planned in my head............ hmmmmm.....

Okay. So my tickets for my Querido Buenos Aires are now purchased. Which means no turning back. Atwood and I were so excited that we bought the tickets on our own just like real grown ups and everything went smoothly... that is until we realized that we bought different flights for the way home. We were humbled pretty quickly, and I couldn't stop laughing.  I cannot wait. eek.

I think that is all I have for right now... 

Current Status: dating

Altogether there are 7 of us. Which means I have 6 roommates. Each one of them (minus one) has another person attached to them. This means I pretty much have 5 other male roommates. They eat our food, leave their dishes in the sink, use our toilet paper (and my toothpaste), break things, sometimes take showers, and somehow get out of paying utilities. Hmm....it's all pretty interesting. Maybe they think if they continue to stand close enough to my roommates and even stand behind them with their arms around them, or spoon even closer while they are on the couches I won't notice they are there. Ha...well I do. Anyway. I am not quite as bitter as I sound. I actually think they are pretty cool guys and I like having them around. I find humor in complaining sometimes.
My newest roommate is now a newlywed. As of today at 3pm. I am excited and also a little sad knowing that three of my other roommates are heading that same direction. It's not just the changest that are getting to me, it's the fact that I can't ever seem to commit to someone. I don't know what it is. I am doing my best to stop dwelling on it, but it kinda really haunts me. eek.
Moving on...One semester to go and I will graduate. I am still not sure what this means for me. So I graduate. I get a diploma, I get higher (but still crappy) pay, I don't have to pay tuition (only higher insurance), I don't have to please my professors (only bosses), I won't have to buy expensive books (only expensive clothes-dress to impress haha), etc. etc. etc. I could go on for ever, but the longer I do the more I realize that it's not all it's cracked up to be. I wish I could put on that ugly gown, walk down the aisle, grab my degree, and go back to classes after the summer as if I nothing had changed. True, I may still continue at the U for my master's, but it's not the same. I am loving life (most of it) right now, and change just always comes at the wrong time. It always ruins the party. haha :)
Then again...I do always say that and I end up being okay. I end up even being better off, but for some reason I never learn and I always have to be so dramatic when things around me are different. It's hard.
I have been dating more recently. I have been surprised. Did you know there actually are pretty awesome guys out there. Guys that when you are freezing and don't really say anything, they grab you a blanket from the trunk of their car so you can be warm until the heater kicks in? Yup, there are actually guys that don't try to make out after the first, second, or even third date. They do exist, and they actually listen, and even comment! Haha. So, lately I have been trying to date more. At first um..I really didn't want to. I have been avoiding it for a while. My bishop called me for an interview at around 10pm before the Thanksgiving break. He asked me why I haven't been dating. I was pretty shocked. Not that he was asking me, but HOW DID HE KNOW? I was making a conscious effort NOT to date. Ha. We talked for a very long time, and somehow I ended up making the commitment to date. I have seen many blessing for it, that I really won't deny, but I am still a little uneasy at times. I am human and we learn from experience. So what happens if you have mostly bad experiences? You learn from that right? and you stop doing that thing. Correct? Well, imagine being asked to do that thing that has produced more negative than positive effects in the past. Would you do it? I honestly might be crazy, but I am doing it again because I believe that my bishop is a worthy priesthood holder and he has promised me specific blessings that I...well...kinda need. I am back in the dating scene...and it isn't as bad as I remember. It's kinda even....dare I say...fun? :)
What else? Nothing much is new. I am still at the highschool, and the shelter. I have surgery in 4 days, and I can't even think straight. I am terrified. I won't talk to much about that because to be honest...it scares me enough just thinking about it. When it is all over I will record the gory details (not all of them).
I just set the alarm for the shelter and came back from talking to some of the women. I have been so humbled the past few weeks. The clients I see at the highschool and the families I have grown so close to here have had such an impact on me. I feel like I am on a constant emotional roller coaster. I have found ways to cope and not take my work home with me, but it's easier said than done.
I recently had the opportunity to go to a nearby elementary school and talk to a third grade class about their classmate who had died in a car accident over the weekend. It was an experience that I will never forget. Every student was quiet as the talking stick was passed around. Whoever held the stick was suppose to say one thing they remembered that was special about their classmate. One child in particular was crying, his back was shaking, and he finally got out that he thought she was the nicest person ever, and she always made him laugh when he was down. He took of his thick glasses and rubbed his eyes. He couldn't talk anymore. I lost it then and I began to cry. I didn't know the little girl, but the feeling in the room was so unique and the spirit there was very strong. I felt very lucky to have been sent to the school. Those students probably taught me more than I could have taught them. Funny how it always works that way eh?
I guess I should start writing more consistently. There's an idea. I'm excited for Christmas however, this December I doubt I will receive a handcarved mini elephant from soap stone. We'll see. I am planning on making empanadas for Christmas Eve. This year each person from my family is going to bring a dish from another country. Maybe I'll go all out and throw in some alfajores. Now I'm just getting hungry. Tired and hungry are never a good combination. This means bed.

One month encounting

The past few weeks have honestly flown by. In a weird, overwhelmingly busy way. On Sunday afternoons I have found myself dreading going to CAPSA and starting my hellish schedule all over again. This past Sunday I starting thinking about going back to the group home, getting paid less and working Fridays and Saturdays. At least I would be able to go to church with my family and spend time with them after right?
We had Red Ribbon Week and dare I say it went exceptionally well? (leaving out the part where the PTA president yelled at me over a pinata hmm...). I have been so luck to be surrounded by some of the most amazing youth. Seriously. They may be completely out of control and not care too much about life in general, but they can change the world in their own ways. They impress me.
I think lately I have been getting down on myself, and I am not sure my goal of not dating is the best thing. I am trying to stick to it, only because well, I haven't exactly met anyone that has caught my attention. Then again...have I even caught anyone's eye in the first place..hhhahaa..probably not. I will continue to have faith that something good is ahead, that something is waiting for me that is worth working this hard for. Sometimes I'm okay with waiting and other days I really suck at waiting and I get so blah. I am lucky and I have been incredibly blessed with a crazy and incredible family. I can't complain.
On Halloween I turned in my application for the Master's program at the U. I was a little scared not really knowing if that's what I want let alone if they will even accept me. Part of me (actually the majority of me) just wants to travel and do service projects in South America and different parts around the world, play and not worry about punctuation, read books of my choice, and no more bubble sheets, run whenever I want, backpack up something other than old main hill, wake up at 5 and then fall back to sleep without feeling crappy, and I could go on.
I decided to fast for many reasons. One was to know where to go from here. I feel like I am doing things on my own a lot of the time, at the same time I feel like I never get a chance to be alone and just think. It was good, and I really felt like a came to some conclusions...for me that was like monumental. The power behind a simple prayer and fast always shocks me...always.
This Friday I have a CT scan. I am scared. It's nothing serious, but I feel weird, and kind of just sick of going to the doctor all of the time. I try to keep my mind off of it.
What else? I have really just been loving everything about Logan. I am going to start volunteering pretty soon at FTC with the boys. I quit recently because I didn't have 14 extra hours to work there. So whenever I have a spare hour or two I will just act as a volunteer so that I can take one of the boys to do something fun. :) That totally made my day when I figured this out.
So, this entry seems like melancholy central. It's the halloween candy hangover. Perhaps? I am smiling on the inside...hahaa.

Okay Okay. It's been so hard for me to keep like 5 different journals. So, I'm just going to keep everything recorded here. Except the very personal things that I won't be sharing with very many people. So....I figure that should be safe enough. Especially since only few read this;).

This semeseter has been pretty crazy so far. I have been at Mtn. Crest High School and also running the Women's Shelter in the evenings. They have both been very fulfilling, but very exhausting. I have to say...even more exhausting than a marathon yes.

I haven't been very good lately at keeping a journal. A lot has happened. Que fracasa que soy.

There is always time to start over right? I can update you quickly.

I quit working full time at the group home. After a good cry and trying to have faith that I was making the right decision I started my internship. Quitting was one of the

hardest things I have had to do. Every Friday and Saturday night I think of my boys. I always pray so hard that they are progressing and remembering the things we worked so hard to accomplish. Sure they were my trials over the summer, but also my biggest blessings. I have never had to learn and practice so much patience. Now that I think about it they probably felt that because I couldn't let them do whatever they wanted to do and act out, that they had to have patience with me. I am so grateful for each of their great spirits. They are so strong and I know that one day they will be healed. I know because they have in many ways healed me.

• 
  
  I ran the Top Of Utah marathon. Yes, I've heard it all.


• 
  
  -You're crazy


• 
  
  -That's is stupid to run that far


• 
  
  -You are going to kill yourself


• 
  
  -You will run yourself into non-existence


• 
  
  -What made you want to do this?

All in all, it was one of the most spiritual experiences I have had. EVER. I came to knew myself more and my own strength both physically and spiritually. I also grew to know more of my Heavenly Father. I would encourage anyone to do this and really test their physical capacity, it changes and pushes the mind at the same time. Truth is when I arrived at the 21 mile mark I felt like collapsing, but I looked up and saw my mom, my sister, and my three little neices off to the side. It was like the pain was gone. It was weird. I kept running and just waved. My nieces ran along side me for a bit holding on to my hands. A few more miles passed and I found myself losing energy again and not thinking about anything, but stopping even if it was for a little while. That was the exact moment where I caught up with a neighborhood friend Michelle. aka blessing in disguise. I wouldn't have made it without having someone to push through the wall with. It was almost unedurable. We started to complain a bit and we saw at the corner my best friend and my brother-in-law waiting to run the last 2 miles with us. They joined us. My back was aching and I felt physically drained. I just remember Doug running ahead then running back to tell me that the finish line was right around the corner. He said "Chels, finish strong. Don't pay attention to anything on the side. Focus on your stride. Pick it up! Finish strong. Keep it up. Go. Finish strong." Every word helped. I felt my dad pushing me. Is that weird? All in a marathon. I really related it all to life. I hope I can finish strong and the only reasons I haven't given up yet is because of those people who miraculously find me along the way and lift me up to see me how they see me. They don't give me strength, but they just help me find the strength that is already inside of me. My family are those who boost me up. It was to say the very very least, an unbelievable and defining moment in my life.

I am now working on my last two semesters at a local high school. It's nothing like High School Musical. It's more like dangerous minds...hahaha maybe a mix between the two.

The girl that is an intern with me is amazing. I was very blessed to have her with me. We have the opportunity to pray together before we travel to the school. It crazy what a difference prayer can make. We have a few groups we are running and they have all had rough starts. All groups have mandated clients. Meaning they do not want to be there. Funny thing is, I see a lot of myself in the girls that are a part of the all girl group called. G.E.N.

With my school, the internship, working at the battered women's shelter I have had no time. I try to meet people, but I dunno. Lots of people say that my standards are too high for guys, but then again when I actually think about them I think that any member should have those certaini qualities. I think that yes some of my expectations are high, but they are righteous desires and I believe if I stay worthy to my covenants I will be blessed. I also would hope that my future spouse would have high expectations for me as well.

I thought I had found exactly what I was looking for. I still do think about him a lot, but I will need to have faith that things will work out for the best. The waiting is the hardest part.

The Salt Lake Temple will be closing for three years. I always thought I would be married there. That leaves me with a few options. Get married before January, wait three years, or get married somewhere else. All but one sound appealing. Haha.

p.s. Yesteray I forgot that I put my camera in my back pocket. I went to the bathroom and it full on dropped in the toilet. Did I mention I just bought it? :(