It's just me

I WAS TAGGED. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME, AND TO BE HONEST…IT WAS PRETTY FUN TO DO. I TAG: ZACC, AMBER, RILEY, BRITT. Riley...you can't include anything about the Ninja Turtles, or underwear. We already know that. 7 Things About Me.

1. I am a night owl…and an early bird. I love seeing sunrises, and being up early (when I have enough sleep) and I love staying up super late regardless of whether I am tired or not. What makes both of these things better of course is the company you’re in. Some of the best conversations I’ve ever had were with friends at 2am. On the other hand…I’ve shared some indescribable moments with family and friends at the crack of dawn.

2. I love capturing moments with my camera. I think it is honestly one of the coolest things. It’s a miracle that we take for granted. I think our memories fade so easily, but one picture can help us recall a thousand things all at once. Photography can freeze time, it’s kind of like magic to me

3.I believe in love, and being "in love." I just don't believe in falling in to it. I think it can be magical and whatever else, but I also believe it's a choice, a choice both people make. A choice that may have to be made more than once, maybe even a thousand times.

4. I laugh at inappropriate times. My laughing spurts sometimes turn into "laugh attacks." As hard as I try I cannot control my laughter. I'm still working on it...it's a constant battle. I figure it's gotten me into trouble one too many times that I better at least try to stop the madness.

5. The biggest personal pet peeve I have is that I find it so difficult to expose my emotions to those who are close to me. I don't always express what I want to, or how I want to. When it comes to emotions I find myself thinking too hard rather than just letting myself feel. Sometimes I want to just be a little kid again, and when I feel like crying, or laughing, or throwing a fit...the louder the better :) haha.

6. Learning about other cultures, traditions, customs, and lives of others has always been fascinating to me. Traveling is one of the greatest blessings that I have had, and I feel that it has taught me the most. When I experience new places, and see another part of the world I feel more satisfied in general. Yet...in all my traveling and with all of the new people I meet, I have found that nothing has or ever will compare to being at home with my family.

7. One way that I deal with stress is hanging out with the little people in my life. My nieces, nephews, the orphans in mexico, other random children….  There is something about their spirits. They could care less about labels, where I graduated from school, how much I make at my job, who I hang out with. They care that I am spending time with them.

5 Things that make me sMiLe:

1. Eating cereal out of my giant I lOVe NY cup.
2. kisses…and hugs.
3. Reading Kaed's messages on the bathroom mirror.
4. Trying to get my mom to eat a skittle.
5. Being with the kids in Mexico

Simplificationator

I find it hard sometimes to explain energy and motivation. I often wonder where my energy comes from some days. At the most inconvenient moments I feel unmotivated and vice versa.

So, now is the perfect time right? The beginning of a new year, everyone has their shiney new goals in place with oh so much potential...and...they are motivated. I will admit it's a great energy. The only spoiler is, it dies down and the cycle continues. The good news is...people are good at cycles. Maybe because they know what's going to happen, it's a kind of security. Even if it's a negative cycle people often times get stuck in them because, well, circles are circles. Sometimes the opening, the out isn't as evident, especially if we aren't looking for it. This doesn't make me feel anymore motivated though :).

I have certain reminders, mental snapshots, experiences, and people that do give me energy and motivate me to get through the day while still seeing the big picture of what's really important. One of those is a recent experience I had in Mexico. I was honestly expecting to go to Mexico, teach a class or two, play soccer with the kids, eat some tacos, sleep on the beach and drive home. That's it. Ha..I was wrong.

The first night I was there I was sitting by the 8ft. Christmas tree outside, and I realized I hadn't been to the nursery. No one had. Everyone had been playing with the older kids at the orphanage. I walked up and knocked on the door where the smaller kids live. An older lady shouted at me to come in. There were about 6 little kids just sitting on the floor playing with broken toys. I'm not trying to paint this sad picture, they were actually smiling and laughing, and they couldn't have cared less that they were broken. They played with the same enthusiasm that my nieces and nephews played when they opened their brandnew toys on Christmas. For some reason there was one little girl that caught my eye. I wish I could say there was a reason she did. Like she was just the cutest one there, or she ran to me right as I walked in, or maybe something more tragic. Nope, none of those, and it is completely unexplainable, but she did.

She always reached up for my face and would turn my chin toward her so that she knew I would see her smile.

There are 500,000 orphans (give or take) in Mexico and only 98 of those were adopted by Americans this past year. So, basically I have a chance. A small chance, but a chance nonetheless. :) ha.

I've been around plenty of kids and many of them don't have parents. I just don't know why she's so different.

So for now, I keep a smile from her in my mind and it motivates me.

It's experiences, like this, that are so unexpected, but they have a familiarity about them. It makes me realize that Heavenly Father really does bless us with exactly what we need.

Time has flown and it's only a month before I go back. In the meantime I will keep busy and try to hold to my only New Years resolution. Simplify.

...just to list a few other sources of recent motivation for me...
Yep. There's more, but three is a good number.

If I were a rich girl....

I thought being able to work with those suffering from mental illnesses would answer all of the unknowns that I had about mental illness. Wrong. Now I just have more questions.

I do understand a lot more. I understand that they are regular people, and they have the same exact needs we do, maybe just a few extra. They hold grudges and love (sometimes more intensely) just like everyone else. I guess I have realized that they aren't much different. They just need extra help. Mostly they need an advocate. Then again don't we all? " I am the first and the last; I am he who liveth, I am he who was slain; I am your advocate with the Father." (D&C 110:4).

The looks that people give me in public with the clients have already lost their strength. Now, it's just interesting and a little funny. I guess partly because I know something they don't, and because I know they are missing out on knowing the most wonderful people. Only because their outer shell can sometimes seem so out of the norm and unacceptable. People keep their distance and miss out.

I have also been given so many unique chances to stretch myself in ways I never really wanted to. One reason I loved all of the jobs I have had in social work is because I have worked in mostly crisis oriented places. I help those who are in urgent need of something and then they are on their way. I loved this type of work because I could give them something they needed to survive, and that was fulfilling. My work now is more involved and long term. I will be working with the same individuals everyday and not getting involved emotionally is impossible. It's hard to become so attached, but at the same time I don't think I would be doing my job if I wasn't emotionally invested on some level. I believe there still needs to be very strict boundaries in many areas. This is also necessary.

I do realize how crucial the atonement and prayer is for the things I do daily. Not just for me, but for the population that I work with. I have a very strong testimony now of the healing power of the atonement. I know they right now they may not be healed of their mental or physical disabilities, but every day I do feel a little bit more healed having served them in ways I never thought I would be able to serve another person. I realize that this is more fulfilling than any amount of money, or material possessions...or even some kind of great worldly recognition. It's so undescribable. I'm sure that everyone has felt these feelings through service, but it's something I'm still discovering and that for some reason I am never desensitized to.

Being there for Joanie and being able to really get to know her before she passed away, being able to sit next to Paul when the voices in his head start to get louder, helping Hailey start a movie night so that so many people aren't alone on the weekend, helping Steve walk and tell him it's okay when he finds out he has a disease...are just a few things that I feel have humbled me, and taught me to understand what really matters.

One of my clients asked me at the zoo why I was so fascinated by elephants and I really didn't know why.

Reasons I love Elephants:

They are the largest of all land mammals, but can also swim long distances.

They spend up to 16 hours a day eating.

They live in tight social units, led by an older matriarch

They are plant eaters

They talk to each other by making "tummy rumbles" they also make a trumpeting sound to call eachother

They can sleep while standing and usually only need 4-5 hours of sleep a night

They have excellent balance

They have excellent memories

Even with their thick skin they are prone to sunburns

When a baby elephants cries the entire family will go and caress and touch the baby

They will have greeting ceremonies when a friend has been away for a while and then returns to the group.

They cry

They laugh

Now I know.

P.S. Things I've learned This Week:

*Don't blow my nose during a meditation session with a monk.

*The DMV has 17 windows, but they only use three of them...

*What is Ankylosing Spondylitis.

*To not volunteer myself for an object lesson where there are huge balloons and pins involved.

*Talking about death isn't scary all of the time, and can actually present some pretty awesome opportunities.

*I have taken thinking clearly for granted my whole life, and there are some people who don't have that natural ability.

*Laughter can solve some pretty intense situations.

*You can make a best friend in five minutes.

*Even the prayers I never say are answered.

*I look forward to going to work every morning

*I still get excited to go to the zoo...and pretty much only for the elephants.

*It's okay to care too much, even when you risk losing that person at any moment.

*So many things won't go my way every single day, but I pouting about it changes nothing.

*Owl City calms me down and puts me in a better mood.

*Even though I have close to nothing in the bank...I've realized I'm pretty dang rich...:)

GOOGLE SEARCH:CANKLES

What are they? "Cankles" is a combination of the words "calf" and "ankles." If you can't tell where your calf stops and your ankle starts, you may have cankles.

Where did it start? No one knows exactly who first uttered the term "cankles," but the subject came up in a well-known episode of "Friends" back in 1995.

The natural remedy: Some fitness experts say certain workouts can help. This gym dedicated a whole month to them.

Under the knife: Some women choose plastic surgery.

Stylish solution: Maybe the easiest way to get rid of cankles -- or at least the appearance of them -- is to dress around them.

Guys can have them, too: The term "mankles" was used to describe "man cankles" in a 2007 episode of "Weeds."

Not to be confused with: The Lithuanian stringed instrument known as the kankle.

I found these facts on a website. I found them interesting and a little inspiring. It also gave me a good laugh after one of the hardest weeks I have had in a long time.

Stay tuned for more important updates this weeks :)

53 things that have made me smile.

1. Buenos Aires
2. Dulce de Leche
3. Drinking Mate with friends

4. Dancing Tango in the streets

4. Going on boat rides in Tigre

5. Sharing zucaritas every morning and night in the kitchen
6. Being able to have Fall in June
7. Wearing Sombreros
8. Riding Subte
9. Posing for pictures
10. Riding a bus for 18 hours to see the most beautiful waterfalls in the world.
11. Dancing all night long.
12. Seeing new animals
13. Standing by one of God’s creations and feeling so humbled.

14. Eating flan
15. Besos
16. Being in the temple with some of my most favorite people.
17. Playing by the Tigre river at night
18. Eating Peruvian food with Sofi and N uni
19. Christians faces
20. Eating sandwiches with Walter
21. Late night talks with Carlos
22.Singing in spanish
23. Doing absolutely nothing with Lore
24. Sleepovers with Rosina
25. 35 hour road trips
26. Hiking in Logan
27. Cotton candy facial hair
28. Pirate Parties
29.Movies with my mom
30. Playing on GINORMOUS blow up slides with my nieces and nephews
31. Taking pictures of temples
32. Eating hamburgers and fries in D.C.
33.Singing at the top of our lungs all the way through Nebraska
34. Getting to meet our Nations Capitol in person
35. Being patriotic
36.Talking in an English accent
37. Hanging out with the Washington Monument
38. Wearing big hats with Anna and Becs
39. Chillin’ with Abe
40.Planning my next vacation
41. Honoring the WWII heroes
42. Sidewalk Chalk with Kaed
43. Hikes with Kaed
44. Bachelorette Parties
45. Getting an amazing view of Salt Lake

46. Taking pictures of one of my bestfriends and her new husband.

47. Knowing that this was the best day of Hayley’s life
48. Watching fields of fireflies

49. Laughing with Jeana.
50. Making shadow puppets on the ceiling
51. Seeing my little brother get married and getting a new sister-in-law all in one day!

Holding Marias hand while she tells me stories
52. Reading scriptures at night with kaed
53. Eating Mexican food, talking, laughing with Lizard

This has been my summer up until now, minus a few major and minor details. Ha. I've had an amazing summer.

It's been one of the hardest summers as well, but I did have a wake up call .... I am very lucky to have amazing family and friends that have pulled me through everything.

Mom- thank you for supporting me and sharing all of my sadness, happiness, stress, laughter...basically everything.

Amber-thanks for understanding, for making me laugh, and for shopping with me at that one mall...haha

Liz-thank you for being a true friend, and giving me the opportunity to serve when I need it the most.

Nieces-for making my life more simple.

Jeana-for being there for me even in one of the hardest times of your entire life. Thank you.

There are so many people who I feel indebted to, and I will never be able to repay. I guess that is how I know that they have truly served me.

I have felt that I have passed through some of my darkest moments recently, and I have wondered why my prayers are not being heard...then I realize that it is through these experiences and these people that my prayers are answered everyday.

It won't be too long until I write again, even if it's something super non-important....I'm going to write more often ;)